First, I always enjoy reading your work.
Second, from my own personal experience you are 100% spot on. I’m married to my not my everything, not the man of my dreams, not perfect, not clingy, opposite side of the spectrum on ideas and opinions- husband. We’re crazy about each other. We got married a bit late (not in our twenties, or thirties, in his case not forties) and had never been married before because we both felt as if “the right person,” or “you just know,” is bullshit. That we agree on. We also waited a long time until we both felt confident that we could do this shit until we die. Neither of us are fans of divorce so we knew once we were married that’s it, shit is real. We needed to be certain we were both happy with ourselves, each other and share similar values and morals.
See, the thing is, we don’t spend all our time together. I mean, sure, we eat meals together, do chores together, hangout with the kids together but he also does his thing and I do mine. “Our” time is going on dates, reading the newspaper together or going for a walk (occasionally we get crazy and lay underneath the stars contemplating the universe while chugging wine from the bottle) because if we lived our life together always together we would have been on each other’s nerves a long fucking time ago.
And this shit takes work, you know. Like, the only worse torture I can think of other than being taken hostage by North Korea is spending an entire fucking Saturday at the Antique Mall. For real, three hours later we’re in aisle 47 looking at the same crap we saw in aisles 1–46. Now, I should be stabbing my own eyes out by now but I’m not because I’ve hardly seen dude all week and we’re having fun. It’s funny. He loves looking at antiques and I’m like, WTF.
We do miss each other if I go out of town here, he goes out of town there but for the everyday when it’s time to go to work I’m all, “bye,” and he’s all, “I’m outta here.” We need space. We need to do our own thing and be our own person and we appreciate that.
And we never, “fight,” although we rarely agree on anything but hey, it’s cool. It’s giving us the opportunity to learn from each other. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I feel like choking him and I know I’m intolerable so there’s times he must feel like choking me, but we don’t act on it. Fighting makes shit worse. We take a breather, gain perspective and talk about it. Hey, there’s also this thing called acceptance. Does wonders for a relationship.
My idea of how we “really” know we’re in love is that he’s not perfect, I’m not perfect, every moment isn’t perfect but it’s still worth it. I actually like that everything isn’t perfect, it adds flare.