I can only speak from my own experience, which my diagnosis is Bipolar II but I’ve never once thought of pouring gasoline into the fire. I’ve always had an awareness that what I’m feeling doesn’t feel good and I need to do something to change it or help myself.
At the same time however, I can spend months in a depressive episode and the longest manic episode I’ve probably ever had lasted 10–14 days.
Medication is a lot of trial and error. I took Lamictal for almost a year and I experienced no change or improvement. I didn’t feel any different so I got off and instead increased the dosage of Lexapro and Klonopin. It’s far from a cure but it’s given me room to breathe.
Good luck to you. I hope it all gets sorted out and please know I’m here for support if and when you need it.