I’m not sure what age your husband is but my 17 year old son once said to me, “tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” My response to that was you’ve lived here for 17 years. I would hope you’d know what needs to be done by now. He never said that again.
My husband is an intelligent, sensitive, loving and supportive person AND he shoulders 50% of the load of our household and family responsibilities. I hear you say they deny that the problem exists — but it’s not the problem for everyone.
In all honesty, if it were me in this position I would completely reevaluate my own actions and make changes because I have no control over other people’s actions. I can’t and don’t want to change other people. What I do and how I react to others is on me. I’m accountable for that.