It’s all about you, she says. Isn’t that why stories are told, experiences shared?
I do hope you have allowed yourself to feel love and be loved in the year since this experience. The old saying goes, others see us differently than we see ourselves. We tend to sabotage for selfish reason and mostly due to lack of forgiveness or living with the soul crushing idea we are undeserving.
To hear you say (or read your words) “I threw it away by design,” I’m not convinced this is a negative. I often view certain moments of breakdowns as “hitting the reset button.” I’ll say, “fuck this,” or refuse to get out of bed and, “do that.” These are the best times I can remember. The times when everything becomes brand new and the days leading up are now just memories of the pure hell it took to get to this place.
Sometimes we need to stand up and dust our boots off. You did, and everything is different now.