This is an accurate description of me. I am not a victim. I would have only been a victim of my own poor choice had I stayed with him. I can forgive him for how he has treated us. He has no control over his behavior. I’m not justifying it. I accept it. It’s best to let go and move on. I struggle to forgive him for never wanting better for himself.

If anyone is a victim it’s him, the same as my daughter. I’m not sure if you read this. I wrote it when my daughter took off. It had been two months since we’d seen her. I wrote, “You should be referred to as the abuser, not those who abuse you. They are your victims.”

Newspaper reporter in Eastern Iowa. The views expressed are mine alone.

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