This is so spot on, every word. I was 40 and my husband was 50 when we married and it is our first and only marriage for both of us. When we tell people this they are taken back by it. We had been in one another’s lives for a decade before we even started dating but the thing is, both of us knew if we were ever to marry anyone we must be certain they are the person we will die with. It’s kind of a special bonus that we share this value.

We are very much in love but there is much to be said about that. Yes, we have disagreements about almost everything, entirely but there’s a big difference between disagreeing and fighting to be hurtful. I want to debate shit with him for the rest of my life. We’re also individuals equally as much as a couple. We do our own thing and also things together. This is my favorite part because we aren’t co-existing, we’re still dating.

Soul-mates are bullshit. I believe this is true. It takes work. It’s never perfect, ever. No two people will survive a relationship together unless they are willing to compromise and not be assholes to one another when they’re angry. They have to be willing to allow the other to grow as an individual and value moments and memories as a couple. This is called a partner, not a soul mate.

Thanks for this wonderful piece and this reminder of how blessed, and grateful I am for my husband. Dear lord, if he can tolerate me he truly is amazing.

Newspaper reporter in Eastern Iowa. The views expressed are mine alone.

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